Red Mist Guide to rally excuses….

This is a list of excuses that was heard or we used during the course of our escapades. Please drop us a line of you’ve any more….

“Up the ar$e of Timo!”

Uttered by Marcus with that famous gesture explaining the time loss on a stage. The gesture can be topped by a single erect finger.

“The grip is very inconsistent”

No, it’s the driving “talent” that’s inconsistent.

“Them stages don’t suit our car”

A skip would suit your car better, preferably one big enough to swallow it whole. Maybe the car is the wrong shape? Sent it to Penneys to get a better suit?

“Electrical trouble”

Conrod through the alternator. Deployed first allegedly by Juha but deployed by us all. Has evolved into a generic catch all uttered by us all without understanding wiring (it looks like spaghetti to us)

“Wrong tyre compound”

Ponce. Plain and simple. Uttered by those who think they understand things like tyre compounds but in reality, have the knowledge of a turnip.

“The wall jumped out in front of me!”

No, you are not Senna. You simply ran out of talent and ability when taking the car off the trailer.

“Had to reply to the insta…”

Oh look, a (anti)social media “influencer”. A self absorbed idiot more like it. Please exit stage left and keep going.

“Someone must have dropped oil or something”

Ah no, it’s the driving ability that has dropped. Has been heard to be uttered by the site admin, for shame….

“Geez that’s quare slippy”

Ah no wonder. Smithwicks on bar floors is slippy.

“I had that as a 3 in the notes”

Oh let me guess, you had to count to three so had to take your eyes off the road to count the fingers.

“The tyres were cold”

Oh ya, we believe ya alright. More likely the throttle was mashed into the back of the headlight and left there.

“The navigator called it wrong”

Anything to do with you not hearing it right either? The phrase “bad workman blames his tools” comes to mind when trying to blame someone else

“Ran out of brakes”

Oh that’s terrible. I ran out of ice-cream once when the parish priest called. Oh the shame.

“The setup was wrong”

Don’t make us laugh. The only thing we know how to setup is a kids train set and that resulted in the fire brigade calling the last time we set one up.