Red Mist guide to European Road Trips…..

In a very slight change to the norm, here’s a very rough guide to European Road Trips, as “done” by the webmaster / webidiot (delete as appropriate). It must be said that if anything happens anyone after using this “advice”, you’re on your own as you were a bigger fool to actually follow it……

It usually starts with throwing last night’s dinner at a map and seeing where the spuds stick the most. That’s normally then picked as a destination. Then a quick look at where it actually landed reveals that it’s a large smudge sitting over the south Atlantic. While South Georgia is lovely no doubt, it’s a bit of a trek to drive. So, a European road map is consulted to see where I haven’t been. Denmark this year seemed like a nice place to visit……

So, destination decided. It’s Denmark this year folks. Now, how to get there (and DONT say drive).

A quick look at a map reveals that it’s a quick dash east across France, Belgium, The Netherlands to get to Germany. From there, just a quick turn north and you’re there! Thats the route sorted so. Now, what to see….

My knowledge of Denmark consists of Lego, Battle of Jutland (even though it was in the North Sea, it’s called after Jutland in Denmark – ya, I know!), Harald Bluetooth (yerp, the Bluetooth in your phone) and Vikings. Oh, and Danish Pastries. Lots of pastries…..

So, a small bit of reading resulted in a ferry to Dunkirk booked for a three week road trip. Sure what could go wrong……

As the trip took me through Hamburg, it would be rude not to stop for a quick look. Somehow, I ended up on an old Soviet Tango class attack submarine that was sitting in the harbour!

So, now to tick off the things I knew about Denmark. First, Lego, DONE!

Next it’s that old Viking King, Harald Bluetooth (and yes, there’s no “O” in their spelling of Harald!. I had to call to Jelling to see the rune stones ol’ Harald left there…..

Next it was Jutland and the wetlands on the West Coast. A day or so on a bicycle was needed to properly take in the expanse as it was so flat.

Then it was time to think about heading home. There was time for one or two more “diversions”, taking in Aarhus, Ribe and Aalborg. On the road home, time was spent car spotting in Stade. When was the last time you saw one of these in daily service (no, not the boring Toyota, the Fiesta 1.1 CL I’m talking about!).

I know ye are all dying to know what went wrong. Not much, besides getting lost, road works, road closures, a sat nav that decided to sulk outside Dusseldorf, you know, the usual. Mechanical dramas were a handle came loose but a half turn of a screwdriver fixed that. Also, a levelling wedge decided to break under the weight of the camper. Well, it was the best part of 10 years old.

So, what’s left? Tidy up and clean the camper as it’s a tad dirty after doing the best part of 2500km and burning over 200litres of diesel. Can someone just hide the credit card bill when it arrives please so I don’t see it, especially as diesel on the Autobahn was well over 2 euro a litre….

P.S. next year’s trip is being planned already. I’m thinking of driving to Berlin. Flying there is just too easy.